Tesla Model 3 Starts Testing In India, Suffers Panic Attack!

Tesla’s highly anticipated entry into the Indian market has hit an entirely expected challenge. A Tesla Model 3, under testing in India, reportedly suffered what engineers are now calling a panic attack, proving that even the most advanced self-driving system might not be desi-proof.

A Green Light Means Go… Right?

The trouble began at a busy intersection in Mumbai. The Model 3, equipped with Tesla’s Full Self-Driving (FSD) suite, smoothly approached a green light. However, upon detecting cross-traffic still moving despite the red signal for them, the autonomous algorithm got confused and went into a fail-safe mode. 

Unable to compute why the rules weren’t being followed, the Tesla froze in place, remaining at the signal until midnight, when traffic finally eased enough for it to reboot itself out of sheer confusion as the signals moved to flashing yellows.

And you complain about your girl giving mixed signals… 

Overtaking: A Never Ending Puzzle

On a Mumbai-Pune intercity run, the Model 3 attempted multiple overtakes but found itself trapped in the classic Indian traffic paradox. 

Tesla's advanced safety tech prevented overtaking from the left, while the rightmost lane was permanently occupied by a string of overloaded trucks cruising at 27-28.6 kmph. 

Tesla’s engineers reported that the car politely requested the truck to move via horn beeps before the car failed to decode the truck driver's reply of using the (in)famous Dhoom Machale horn. The car finally gave up and contemplated retiring at a nearby charging station, which, unfortunately, was dead since there was a power cut.

Braking = Super-Charging: An India Exclusive!

In a first for Tesla, the Model 3 managed to fully recharge its battery, just via the regenerative braking system. The reason? A series of abrupt stops to avoid bikers weaving across lanes, pedestrians jaywalking at random intervals, and fellow cars treating lane markings as a mere suggestion.

Tesla engineers are now considering introducing this feature as an India exclusive, to be named "Survival Mode."

The SpaceX Crossover

An incident occurred when the Model 3 went over an unmarked speedbreaker. With no warning, the car launched into what engineers are calling "the greatest synergy between Tesla Motors and SpaceX." 

Upon landing, suspension components entered early retirement, and the vehicle automatically called for a flat-bed pickup while filing an insurance claim using AI-powered legalese. Tesla is now rumoured to be re-evaluating the Cybertruck's Mars readiness based on Indian road conditions.

Elon Reacts: India Is The Final Boss

Elon Musk, in his signature witty style, tweeted:

 "Enough data gathered from India, next Mars Rover is now ready for anything. For India-related recalls, the cars will simply drive back to the service centre on their own. Also, if you miss an EMI, the same happens. Good luck. xoxo"

As Tesla prepares for a full-fledged India launch, it seems the real test isn’t about the performance of FSD, but whether the car can survive India without developing anxiety issues.

Would you trust a fully self-driving Tesla in Indian traffic? Or should we all just start improving our traffic and overall civic sense? 

Let us know your thoughts in the comments about this April Fools special story!

Disclaimer: This article is an April Fools’ Day special and is purely a work of satire. All events, quotes, and characters mentioned are entirely fictional and bear no connection to real people. No statements were sourced from real individuals, and ZigWheels is not responsible for any misinterpretations or actions taken based on this article.